EJR

Days like today, which let’s face it. Are most days whilst working at American Greetings. I’ve had exactly 10 customers since opening at 11:00 AM. (It is now 2:18 PM, and I’m on the work computer browsing facebook, tumblr, and catching up on blog posts from people I admire). I can’t help but wonder if working here is worth the sacrifice I make, allotting forty hours of my life to be utterly wasted here, for a company that I frankly, could not care any less about. They do nothing noteworthy to compensate for their overpriced merchandise, they treat employees terribly, and customers even worse.

For example, I hardly get to see people I would like to spend time with. Last night I had the opportunity to see three friends, who I hardly see. After having to decline past invitations due to working late, and then early in the morning, I was finally going to have time to spend with them. Unfortunately, AG kept me longer than anticipated, resulting me into working a 19 hour day. I was exhausted, infuriated, and then just apathetic. I drove home, and slept.

Despite hating retail entirely, I actually do enjoy Starbucks, compared to any of my other jobs, Starbucks wins in a landslide. (Previous employment includes, a privately owned Hallmark and Spencer’s, as well as American Greetings which I’ve been at since 2006.)

My conclusion is that American Greetings is not worth it, but I do like being more than financially stable. So, I will continue to suck it up until I finally start writing consistently again, publish novels, and earn royalty from my work.

A fellow coworker (Courtney) and I wanted to write poems about things we love about ourselves. Then she suggested that everyone that works at the Bordentown Starbucks should get in on it, and we could make a book. We also will all have to make an art piece to go along with our poem.

I’m so excited for this project, and I hope everyone participates. I’m a huge self-confidence activist and I think it would be such a wonderful thing for every one to do. (P.s to all my followers, tell me something you love about yourself, I want to know!) It can be physically, or personality wise. Anything about yourself that you love, tell me.

At first I was leaning towards doing something about my jawline, (because let’s face it, my jawline is a piece of art, thank you mom and dad) except after putting more thought into it. I think I want to write about something that can really have people get to know me, and what I’ve been through, and potentially get a strong message across. I know I’ve spoken about it here and there, but never in strong detail. I’ve always been more verbal about the other issues I’ve had in the past because none of them came close to how personal my eating disorder was.

I was very insecure, and I don’t believe I’ve ever truly hated anything as much as I hated myself. I can’t even begin to explain why, because I still don’t understand. Parts of it make much more sense now, especially after becoming aware about my gender identity, and the fact that I prefer not to be defined by male/female pronouns. I am neither, and I am all. That is another post within itself though, and will be saved for a different day.

Anorexia got the better of me, but not the best. I am here now, and I’ve become this amazing being. There are still things I have to be cautious of, even to this day almost 10 years later. I don’t ever look at my weight on a scale, I have a strange relationship with food, and there are certain things about my body that will always remind me of that point in my life. I don’t have any during pictures, any pictures that were taken of me when I was ill are no longer around. The closest picture I have is one from a dance. I was just released from the hospital and went to my one and only school dance. I gained 35 pounds from my lowest to the point of this picture.



 Since then, many things have changed. At this point in my life, and right now, today. I couldn’t be happier with who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to love myself, but I do.

So, I want to write about my strength and courage to finally accept myself for everything I am. Since that is what I love most.